An Epiphany Infused with Mental Gloom
This is a journal entry I had after going on a small impactful journey.
I am stuck somewhere. I can’t move and can barely try to think. I have ideas but they are blocked by the claustrophobia I am feeling. To think that I, a woman of confidence and pride, am governed by the lack of flexibility in my current position makes me want to vomit. The thing is my comfort is what enables me to be so confident and proud. The lack thereof has left me helpless. However, with the lack of space and my buzzing mind I was able to locate my pen and my paper to begin writing about the journey I had made. I had gone to a place so green that if I hadn’t written anything about it, I would probably dream about it every night as I fell into my daily dose of death. You see, I went to a dull city to the East, not far from home. It was covered with a large cloak of greenery, yet amidst the natural glory of trees that I saw, there was sadness and boredom. The people looked ill, the sun was in hibernation, and the streets were empty until the rare occasion that another person made an appearance. I felt suffocated then just as I am feeling now, but for some reason the experience I had felt long-lasting. I have chosen to write my thoughts into my notebook to help myself to some clarity. Why did I think this place was special? What did it have? And why am I so confused? Well, to answer these questions I must reflect on what my eyes have sent to my brain over the years. In the past, I have always felt lonely. Whether I had friends or not I was lonely. If I was stuck in a party with all my beloved relatives, I would feel lonely. Now, as I am older, I have friends and a loving family, but still, I am lonely. I have everything I could ever want, but still, I am lonely. There must be an answer. If I think hard, I find that there is. The aura of the green city was like staring into a mirror that does not lie. The loneliness I was feeling was being shoved in my face, and it killed me to feel my true feelings. I want to know how to help myself. Is there anything that can fulfill me? Or will I live in this melancholy for the rest of my life? It makes me laugh how after I have sat and written my thoughts to help me cure the confusion, I still lack the clarity I was looking for. And after journeying to the not so far East, I have found something. I have found my purpose in life: finding clarity.
