Forecasting and Shaping Behavioral Patterns in Children under the age of 18

“Time out! You’ve been out of line a lot recently. Go to your corner and reflect on your behavior!” Exclaims my mom after my third temper tantrum of the day. It wasn’t just her though. Many of my friends at school had similar complaints of the many times their parents had yelled at them for no reason. Or was there no reason? Children around the world have certain behavioral patterns that can be predicted and shaped in many ways possible. It is important to look for what the child does and how to deal with it the right way.

First off, we must identify the type of behavioral patterns that a parent might be able to identify in a child. These behavioral patterns can be positive or negative. The positive behavioral patterns being that the child is very productive and cares about the people around him/her. On the other hand, a child with negative behavioral patterns is a child who mostly acts on impulse and whose actions are counterproductive to their growth as a human being. To continue, a negative behavior coming from a child can depend on the age. For example, if a parent were to experience a child under six years throwing food it would be considered normal, but if a twelve-year-old child were to be throwing food, it would be something that the parent should consider looking into. This is the case because younger children are still experimenting with the boundaries that they can explore as a child, whereas the older children have already explored those boundaries.

Furthermore, to completely understand and be able to identify negative behavior in children, a parent must consider concept of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (also known as ODD). Children with ODD are uncooperative, defiant, and hostile toward peers, parents, teachers, and other authority figures. They are more troubling to others than they are to themselves. To explain, in an article written by the John Hopkins Medicine organization there are two possible theories for children with ODD: developmental and learning. The developmental theory states that when children are in the toddler phase, they develop such a deep dependency to their parents or any authority figure that they cannot let go. This can be considered normal behavioral issues that can be solved over time as the child slowly grows and learns to become independent. The alternative theory — the learning theory — states that when the child is older the child observes the guardian and mirrors their actions. In other words, if the guardian shows negative behavior the child will mirror that just to get attention.

But how can we solve these negative behaviors in a child? During an interview, a psychotherapist practicing in Germany who wanted to remain anonymous told me, “Children will learn from their parents. So, to change their behavior we, as parents, have to change ours.” This relates to the learning theory for ODD: Children will only reflect the actions of the parent. If the parent were to provide the child with a negative environment where they neglect the child’s emotions, the child will reflect that behavior to their parents. This is because children can’t express abstract emotions and need the parents’ help to do this. The closest relationship a child will ever experience is that which they have with their parents.

To conclude, children can have random outbursts and can even be uncontrollable at times but as the parent/guardian it is important to respond to the situation in a way that will be effective and provide you with an outcome that you hope for. Forecasting and shaping these behaviors in children can require attentiveness but just like anything there are ways that you can achieve your goals as a parent or guardian. Well, I guess we can understand what our parents would say when they said, “you’ll only understand when you become a parent yourself.”